Mr B here;

Good evening all, here I believe I am welcome to write down my thought's, feeling's and emotion's which I would imagine very few of you ever hear about or speak about, and in that sense ever understand because us blokes... We are closed off monkeys. Some of which I talk about may be raw, some may be 'close to the bone' but isn't that the point? For you all to truly get an insight into the mental conclusion of a male when trying to conceive, all the questions which run through your head?

A bit about me, I work 6 days a week, 11 hour days as a finance manager for a national sub prime motor finance group, this means that as much as I am married to Mrs b, I am also married to my job.

My post's will hopefully allow you some insight and understanding of the male viewpoint on PCOS, trying for a baby and the annoyance of such things as the kids I work with going out and 'not bagging up'.

I am 27 years old but I have the mentality and have experienced things of a 37 year old. I have witnessed women give birth when not even knowing they were pregnant, I know men who have had one night stands and got a girl pregnant and I have taken girls to get the morning after pill after a wild night with their friends and one stupid kid who doesn't 'bag up'. All to the position of not being able to hold my own baby due to the un-godly force known simply as... PCOS.

Some of which I will say may seem demeaning to you, some may upset or anger you, some of which will seem raw, but! remember this is from a mans point of view, and some male view points are... how do I put it? Archaic? Mesogynistic? or just downright neanderthal.

When I first heard that Mrs B had PCOS, I will allow for no fluidity when I say, I didn't see the truth effect and cost of what was being told to me, now I am at a position of frustration with it all. Over the coming blogs I will talk more about my past, my present and future on trying to conceive from trying all sorts of vitamins and supplements to changing my diet or habits.

The key thing I will address is the difficulty of witnessing the woman you love fall into what appears as a lazarus pit of deception, being consumed by an obsession of cycles, days, ovulation periods, diets, pills, techniques, blogs, forums, ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, constant barrages of wanting sex... not for the creation of love or relation, but purely and un-emotionally to pro-create and the absolution of feeling not wanted but needed for nothing other than my 'swimmers' and then being used to such affect.

Any way for now I will leave you with two simple things which I fuel my life on.

1. If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.

2. You cannot learn from a mistake without first making them.

This will make sense over time when we go into the different trials and tribulations we are to face or have already.

Mr B x